One autumn night, back in 2016 we were woken by the smoke alarm at 2am which probably saved our lives. We blame the mobile phone that was left charging overnight in what seemed to be the seat of the fire, although the fire-brigade and insurance company were happy to conclude that the open fire we had that night had set fire to the newspaper that had been used as packing behind the mantelpiece sometime in the 1950’s, and that this newspaper had been smouldering quietly away to itself for several hours before flaring up and the flames making their way around the corner of the fireplace and into the alcove where they concentrated on totally destroying the power socket where the phone was charging and igniting the floorboards and papers in that area. Luckily our keys, wallets and passports which were on the mantelpiece were perfectly ok and so were we. Roll forward three months and the Loss Adjuster is trying to fit us up with plaster boarding over the Victorian lime plaster and generally not being happy about replacing antique Axminster carpets and expensive inherited mattresses.
This is an improvised song for Martin, the Loss Adjuster.